Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Innocence of the Demon??

Now see, here I'm going to tell you all the COLD HARD TRUTH of the demon child I grew up with. I was such a sweet thing, as you can see by the pic. My sister, Shelley as the world knows her, was not so sweet. Again I refer you to the picture which of course has not been altered at all. You see, while she's sweet and loving and caring NOW, I know the truth of the child and there was no innocence in that devil baby *laughing*.

When we were younger, I of course was the sweet one. Still to this day, I'm often referred to as "the good one". My sister, however, well, let me just say that you should be sitting down for this because every single kitten squeezing, fork stabbing, wagon throwing word of it is the honest truth *swearing an oath on my cherished kitties*. We were typical sisters, fighting like cats and dogs every chance we got. A few times, we even invented things to fight about, as is the nature of rabid little beasts that have been caged too long. A few horror stories I still carry with me to this day...and I will share the terror with you here today.

When me and my sister were little, and she'd be mad at me for something, and when she couldn't catch me, she would grab one of my kittens and squeeze it till it screamed JUST to make me cry. And I did...every time for I loved my little furries. I still adore animals (except for spiders...if they invade my space, they are FAIR GAME for annihilation). We have a house full of critters here what with 2 cats, 3 hamsters, 1 guinea pig, 3 fish, 2 frogs, and a weenie dog. Oh, and not to forget the one man pig and 3 little she pigs as well.

Now for the fork stabbing portion of this miniature memoir. When I was about 10 and she was about 11, we were sitting at the table one afternoon innocently eating lunch. The only thing I remember from that lunch was the mashed potatoes. We had been fighting off and on that day, and she said something that made me mad while we were of course it's only natural that I had to retaliate, right?? Knowing full well there would be retaliation and completely not caring, I picked up a fork full of mashed potatoes and flung it at her....hitting her right between the eyes. I laughed uncontrollably until the demon spawn let loose her immediate and infinitely worse revenge...stabbing me in the thigh with her fork. This is where I stopped laughing. And yes, while it hurt, I was determined that she was going to take the fork out, not me. So what do I do upon her refusal to remove the implement of sibling endangerment?? I stand up, step over to her, and proceed to pommel her screaming at her to take it out. My mother comes in to see what all the ruckus was about only to find me hitting her because they NEVER catch the first one who did it *lol*. Mom started pounding on me yelling at me to let her go, and I'm still pounding on her refusing to stop. Mom finally got us to stop and everything was kosher for about 1 or 2 seconds until I showed her the fork glaring back at us, still lodged in my little innocent leg. It took a few minutes to fully explain everything that had happened. I don't remember any further punishments either for myself or the leg wounding spawn, but I never threw food at her again. *laughing* It's hilarious NOW, but back THEN, not so much.

So, I've shared with you the kitten squeezing and fork stabbing parts of our past. Now one last story for today. See, there was this wagon wheel incident too, that I just must share because I feel like justice was served to me that day *snickerring*. Again, we were fighting and like would usually end up happening....if she couldn't catch me to hit me, she would simply throw something at me. I was pretty quick what with being pretty athletic and a tomboy back then, but every now and then she's find her mark with whatever thing she found to hurdle towards me. On this particular day, I was busy running away when she spotted the infamous bronze covered wagon book ends. She grabbed one and went to throw it at my retreating back, when justice struck hard and swift. Her finger slipped in between two of the wagon wheel's spokes and instead of flying across the room at me, it cut her finger and she dropped it screaming. Not that I would wish ill will on her, but I was damn glad at the time because that thing would have hurt like hell had it actually hit me *laughing*.

So, there's a little about my sister. And yes, I fully expect retaliation as she has stories about me too, but let me just say that NO, I did NOT smear catnip all over her parakeet that my cat killed while we were at school one day....nor did I pomel her every day. *lol* Honest. I was, and still am, the good one. Just remember that when you read her next blog.


Shelley Moore said...

First, i must just say, that the only one who refers to you as the good one is .. umm... YOU! LOL Second, whilest I do not specifically have any recollection of said kitten squeezing, need I tell them about your pet training techniques? LOL Thirdly, I should just tell them about how UN-athletic I was and how UN-fast I was and how throwing things, and ticking you with forks, were the only defenses my poor little sweet vulnerable childhood self had against the stronger, speedier, and more physically adept younger sister.

Oh - yeah - and by the way, Paint can't hold a candle to PSE... just wait and see, LOL!!

Glad to see you are blogging, even if you do have to resort to sordid lies to get it done, LMAO!!! XOXOXO

Mystical Moocow said...

Sordid lies, my butt!!! *lol* Every single word of that was true. And look, you didn't even deny the fork, and there was zero mention of the great wagonning of ... oh, I don't know...1982? So you MUST be guilty as there was no denial. *snickerring*

Rhonda said...

Sisters. Can't live with 'em, and... that pretty much covers it. Is good to hear you laughing about some of it though.